A letter to my First

I used to roll my eyes when people said motherhood would make me whole, as if I had been moving through life incomplete, some quiet part of me missing. When I met you, I was already full in so many ways. I had accomplished things I was proud of, and I still carried dreams I hadn’t yet reached.

What I didn’t expect was how gently, how easily, I would loosen my hold on the life I knew.

Pieces of who I was before began to soften and shift, not out of loss, but out of love.

It felt as natural as breathing to turn down opportunities, to choose being home and be present with you.

To trade old rhythms for quiet moments spent reading beside you, helping you discover your own.

It never felt like a sacrifice. Just a quiet, certain knowing that I could let go of who I had been, even as whole as I once felt.

All for you. You changed the shape of my days, the direction of my life, and every version of my future.

& I would choose it every time for you. My love, my sunshine, my kuya.

Becoming

I used to beg the road to straighten,

to give me signs as I took each step.

But now — I walk with open hands.

There’s a hush in this in-between,

a breath held between what was and what might be.

Each closed door whispers of one unseen, opening.

Each ending, a soft echo: “Trust me, I know what comes next.”

I no longer need to know my next step.

The becoming is enough.

The shifting, the stirring —

are not signs of being lost, but of being written.

I am not finished.

I am not forgotten.

I am not forsaken.

I am clay in kind hands.

Trusting is not knowing the shape

but in knowing the Potter.

Always looking up

Aren't midyear check-ins wonderful? 2024 started with wonderful news, and it's just been getting better and better ˙ᵕ˙

The past few months have brought many feelings of peace and validation. I held some things close to my heart in previous years and decided not to speak on them. Unfortunately, it became a thorn in my side. Matthew 5:9 says blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. There is a huge difference between keeping the peace and making peace. A peacekeeper avoids conflict to maintain peace. A peacemaker confronts the conflict and resolves it. I look back and regret being silenced for so long. Especially now, I find out that my opinions were shared by others who voluntarily expressed their own feelings and experiences.

What I will never regret is going out of my comfort zone to extend an olive branch (even if I was berated the whole time lol)

Through many prayers, the thorn has been removed from my side. Good riddance.

Things are looking up.

I feel the wind of change blowing. At the end of the year, I might be in a completely different mindset and place -

but I'm always looking up.